Ask The Ungrateful Adoptee

I've been asked a lot of questions; about my families, my personal story, my relationships, my friendships, et cetera. Since I'm not quote sure what specific information or opinion anyone is looking for, I thought I'd lay the floor open to questions.

Leave your question in the comments section. I'll answer when I can, if I can, if it's appropriate.

The Ungrateful Adoptee

Comments

Adoptive Parent Fragility (Again)

Because, yes, it does need to be addressed again, and this time in more general terms. ADOPTERS: Listen and listen well, because I have no intention of rewriting this blog again in Positive Adoption Language to suit your tender sensibilities. Firstly, allow me to reiterate a question from the previous incarnation of this blog. How do you expect to raise an adoptee when you can't even talk to one online? Really. Riddle me this, because I want to know. When we're little, it's easier. We don't snap back. We're content with the small proofs of love and permanence. Frankly, it's easier for us to believe and pretend, and that makes it easier for you. It allows you, for a time, to push it out of your mind. The questions are easier to answer. You get to sugar coat and leave things out. You get "Mommy, I love you" and gratitude. You get fits of insecurity, tantrums thrown out of fear or frustration. It happens to disenfranchised little people who have no...

Living Adoption: At Peace, or Asshole?

Maybe you're "done with adoption". Maybe you're "at peace" with your adoptive issues. Maybe the abuses to our humanity, abuses that continue to be inflicted on children daily, don't bother you anymore. Maybe you've "forgiven" your perpetrators. Perhaps the percieved "negativity" and justified "anger" are now tiresome to you. Well, please accept apologies from the rest of us. We're sorry we didn't heal at your pace. We're sorrier still that we just aren't as enlightened as you are. Have you ever noticed that, cribmates? The ones who are "at peace", have "forgiven", and "choose happiness and positivity" are a bunch of superior assholes? Yes, they've "forgiven" those who wronged them. Yet they can't seem to help but belittle those who haven't or don't intend to. They're "at peace"; so much so, that they feel the need to scold everyon...

Living Adoption: Do You Understand Reunion?

"But... but... you're in reunion. Doesn't that make it better? Doesn't that fix it?" No, Normie. It doesn't "make it better". It "fixes" nothing. Sometimes it answers questions. Occasionally (very occasionally) it provides a genuine connection with a blood relative. But no, it doesn't "fix" my adoption. It doesn't mitigate the trauma of my relinquishment. It doesn't undo the damage my adopters did when they purchased me. Being in awkward, uncomfortable reunion doesn't give me back the time I missed with my siblings. In fact, reuniting with them as adults just reminds me that I should not have had to reunite with them in the first place. It shows me my "better life" wasn't better, just different. It shows me that if I had been kept, I would have grown up to be a relatively well adjusted adult with actual connections to my blood, family, and history. It brings up another life to mourn. Another w...

The Ungrateful Adoptee II

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