So, for whatever reason, you relinquished your kid. Now it's been 35 years, and you just got that letter in the mail
I don't know how you feel. I've heard hundreds of different accounts. I won't pretend I can or want to understand the place in which you find yourself. Nonetheless, here you are, with a letter from the child[adult] you relinquished in your hand.
Do the right thing for that adult. Answer the letter. Answer their questions. Don't lie. Don't equivocate or play the victim, even if you were. Tell the truth. Give them their medical history and the names of all their relatives. Be a human.
Don't be nasty because you don't want them in your life. You have a moral obligation to maintain an open line of communication to answer the questions that continue to come up for years afterward. You don't have to be their mom. They are adults, and presumably they have a mom, or some semblance thereof. You don't HAVE to have contact, either, but you absolutely should. It's is only right and just that you do. Be a human.
You don't have to love them. You don't even have to like them. But the connection to their roots is integral to their well being, and you should at the very least provide that. Whatever sacrifice to yourself these answers cost, give them; if you had chosen to parent you would have sacrificed a lot more than some comfort and dignity. Please, be human.
Most of us aren't looking for family when we're looking for you. We're looking for the answers we deserve, the information we should have. You should provide it. If you don't want a relationship, let them know in a gentle manner. Leave the line open for questions indefinitely. Be human.
Please, for the love of all that is holy, be human. And remember that we are human too. At least do the least you can do.
I don't know how you feel. I've heard hundreds of different accounts. I won't pretend I can or want to understand the place in which you find yourself. Nonetheless, here you are, with a letter from the child[adult] you relinquished in your hand.
Do the right thing for that adult. Answer the letter. Answer their questions. Don't lie. Don't equivocate or play the victim, even if you were. Tell the truth. Give them their medical history and the names of all their relatives. Be a human.
Don't be nasty because you don't want them in your life. You have a moral obligation to maintain an open line of communication to answer the questions that continue to come up for years afterward. You don't have to be their mom. They are adults, and presumably they have a mom, or some semblance thereof. You don't HAVE to have contact, either, but you absolutely should. It's is only right and just that you do. Be a human.
You don't have to love them. You don't even have to like them. But the connection to their roots is integral to their well being, and you should at the very least provide that. Whatever sacrifice to yourself these answers cost, give them; if you had chosen to parent you would have sacrificed a lot more than some comfort and dignity. Please, be human.
Most of us aren't looking for family when we're looking for you. We're looking for the answers we deserve, the information we should have. You should provide it. If you don't want a relationship, let them know in a gentle manner. Leave the line open for questions indefinitely. Be human.
Please, for the love of all that is holy, be human. And remember that we are human too. At least do the least you can do.
Barn Wheway: don't hold your breath abandonee! anything remotely human will most likely fizzle: run in retrieve as much info has possible then run straight back out before history repeats itself as it most likely will. call me cynical
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