The Ungrateful Adoptee II

The truth is, adoption is not necessary to provide care.  In the U.S., permanent legal guardianship provides all the same legal rights and responsibilities entailed by adoption. In addition, it allows displaced persons to maintain their original legal identity.  This eliminates repurcussive "inconveniences", such as not being able to get a passport from the country one was born in and is a legal citizen of, because your "legal birth certificate" was issued more than one year after your birth. One has the right to one's correct identity, whether one grows up with one's biological family or someone else. Adoption allows, nay, encourages, adopters to falsify adoptees' birth certificates, listing themselves as one's biological parents,  changing location and sibling information, sometimes even changing one's birthday. The original, accurate document is thereafter sealed and cannot be viewed without a court order. If your child rearing desires are in...

"But... but... you're in reunion. Doesn't that make it better? Doesn't that fix it?" No, Normie. It doesn't "make it better". It "fixes" nothing. Sometimes it answers questions. Occasionally (very occasionally) it provides a genuine connection with a blood relative. But no,  it doesn't "fix" my adoption. It doesn't mitigate the trauma of my relinquishment. It doesn't undo the damage my adopters did when they purchased me.  Being in awkward,  uncomfortable reunion doesn't give me back the time I missed with my siblings. In fact,  reuniting with them as adults just reminds me that I should not have had to reunite with them in the first place. It shows me my "better life" wasn't better,  just different. It shows me that if I had been kept, I would have grown up to be a relatively well adjusted adult with actual connections to my blood, family, and history. It brings up another life to mourn. Another w...

Maybe you're "done with adoption". Maybe you're "at peace" with your adoptive issues. Maybe the abuses to our humanity, abuses that continue to be inflicted on children daily,  don't bother you anymore. Maybe you've "forgiven" your perpetrators. Perhaps the percieved "negativity" and justified "anger" are now tiresome to you. Well, please accept apologies from the rest of us. We're sorry we didn't heal at your pace. We're sorrier still that we just aren't as enlightened as you are.  Have you ever noticed that, cribmates? The ones who are "at peace", have "forgiven", and "choose happiness and positivity" are a bunch of superior assholes? Yes, they've "forgiven" those who wronged them. Yet they can't seem to help but belittle those who haven't or don't intend to. They're "at peace"; so much so, that they feel the need to scold everyon...

Adoption is like a magnet to narcissists. While natural parenting is probably still preferable to narcissists, for some reason adoption seems have a particular appeal. I personally believe at least part of that appeal is to the narcissist's proclivity for pretending life is other than reality. I think the "as if born to", "blank slate", and "love makes a family" myths play a large part as well. We cannot disregard the narcissist's deep need for the "mirror mirror on the wall", and who better to push into that mirror than the random child one purchased who has "no" (known) "past"?  Especially once your ability to create your own little mirror resident has been removed? The possession factor of adoption particularly seems to appeal to narcissists. In my studies, I've learned most narcissists are collectors. My mother collected spoons, sheep  figures and linens, those fancy-ass blue and white dishes from Europe, and...

Being so far divorced from the experience of living adoption,  many Normies think it's appropriate to lecture or try to "teach" us about how it feels to be adopted. It's comical really, considering how far outside their capability for understanding the very idea of being adopted really is.  "But I have a friend who is adopted, and they're just fine!" I doubt that. I REALLY doubt that.  I always look "fine" on the outside too, even if you know me really well. Paul Sunderland can be quoted as saying something like,  "Adoptees can test off-the-charts depressed, and still smile,  laugh,  and function like they are "just fine"." It's absolutely true.  We are well-trained in the art of subverting our real feelings,  especially those about our adoptions.  I learned very early in life, as many adoptees do, that how I really felt was not only of absolutely no value,  but also unwanted and inappropriate. If I was unhappy, ...

I am adopted. Being adopted. Is adopted. Was adopted.  Adopted.  The word is divorced from what adoption really is,  what it means to live adoption. To have it manifest itself every moment, insinuate itself into your very consciousness.  I've been trying to boil it down into terms Normies can understand. And since what we are talking about is so incredibly foreign to anyone raised in the privilege of their own blood, it hasn't been easy finding words other than trite, over-used expressions that have already been rendered meaningless by repetition.  I thought maybe some meaningful, real world applications.  It's part of everything,  from the enormity of the concealment and denial of our identities (too big to process for a kept person, I understand), all the way down to something as small as looking across the breakfast table at your "mom", and thinking,  "She's not really my mom. I wonder what my real mom eats for breakfast?" Always accomp...

There is nothing wrong with me,  "Mom". Yeah, I call you "mom" for lack of a better understanding of who you are and what you've done to me. In the back of my head, however, I know that you are my mom in name only. I know I have another mom, a REAL mom, a mom who actually carried and birthed me, out there somewhere. And on some subconscious level, I know the love and loyalty you demand of me belongs to her. And on (perhaps the same) subconscious level, I know my feelings towards you are a betrayal to her. After all,  it is your pathological need to be a mother that perpetuates our separation. You could have put your adoption efforts toward supporting my broken family,  perhaps helping me have the life I truly belonged to. That wasn't on your agenda; I doubt the thought of helping my family ever crossed your mind.  So now you've got me. Congratulations.  While you are celebrating your accomplishment and patting your own back, I am suffering. You onl...